The sun is high in the sky, and I am feeling so grateful for the bright and uplifting energy it has given me over the past ten days. I have been reflecting a lot on my journey to becoming a doula, and a mum to a now strong willed and beautiful teenage daughter, as well as the challenges that I have overcome as a four times cancer survivor. The light that comes with the summer solstice has shone on those memories, highlighted many, and brought about a deep sense of where I am in my life right now.
The reason for this reflection was due to the preparation work I was digging into for Mummy’s Star, a charity that is very close to my heart. They had reached out to me and asked if I could share my knowledge as a doula and cancer patient for their Cancer through Pregnancy Awareness Week. Their focus was on body awareness through the changes that pregnancy and postpartum bring, and it was an honour to be able to spend an hour talking with families about this wonderful subject, and now, here with you.
What is Normal?
Womanhood is far from fixed, and our bodies allow us to morph and change into the roles we are given and choose to accept, as well as the experiences and opportunities that we dive right into. Navigating how you are feeling as your body changes through pregnancy and postpartum can feel very lonely, and making peace with the changes can be a personal battle. Not knowing what is ‘normal’ (as if there is such a thing), can feel scary, and seeing your body in a mirror and not recognising it can feel alienating.
Let’s face it; our bodies get bigger and we put on weight when we are pregnant. This is normal, but so is the feeling of being out of control as we see our shape change daily, with layers that we are unused to feeling. Stretch marks appear along with acne, and oily hair falls out by the clump. Our tummies can feel all out of sync, and our deep nervous system can make us feel like we just want to run away. Feeling like you are failing because everything you read tells you that you should be ‘glowing’ makes you want to fight the world, and believe me this is totally normal!
A Helping Hand…
To get you through any feelings of alienation with your body, here are some little tips that may help the thought spirals:
Eat a colourful array of food, and you may want to consider limiting your gluten intake. The way I like to think about it is this: If it is grown under the sun, it makes my body smile. If it was grown in the darkness of a factory, it will make my body feel blue.
Drink your water. Keep it simple, or make it fancy with slices of orange, or lime and cucumber.
Keep on top of your skin care routine; rosehip oil is perfect to help regulate oily skin and to gently apply to any stretch marks or scarring, and making sure you are cleansing and toning is an easy win.
Never shrink away from talking therapy; it can help you through the low spots and help you find the tools you need to get through. (Betterhelp can be a good place to start)
Buy good bras that fit and don’t hurt you. Get properly measured as their size changes. Your boobs are so amazing, and they need your love! Also, don’t forget to do your monthly CoppaFeel to check that everything is healthy and normal for you.
Checking In
We know it’s a great thing to check in with friends when they are having a rough time, but we also need to make friends with ourselves and check in on a regular basis. When everything is feeling topsy-turvy, simply asking ourselves what we need can make a day that is feeling difficult a whole lot better. Honestly, for me I have to check in with my basics: Am I tired, hungry or cold?
Simply allowing yourself a nap when you can, (although tough when you are working), can help restore you during the day. Making sure you have healthy snacks in your bag at all times can be a pain to prepare, but can be the equivalent of a life-preserver at 3:30 in the afternoon. During the summer, our bodies find it tough to regulate when we are pregnant, so layering with cottons and linens can help us keep cool as well as offer us some warmth if needed.
A helping hand…
Once the basics are covered, we need to go a little deeper with our own check-ins. Treat yourself to a new journal and make sure you answer these questions regularly so you know where you are at within yourself:
How am I doing physically? Am I moving my body in a positive way and feeling good? If not, how can I change my habits and who can I ask for help to make this change?
What is one lovely thing that can I do for myself today?
Do I need a hands on treatment to help my body and mind to connect? Would a massage help my aches and pains, or would a pedicure help the feet I haven’t seen in four months?
Who do I want in my tribe? Who can I go to so that I can speak openly and honestly about how I am feeling with my body? Who will give me honest advice in a loving manner that I can connect with.
No one knows you like you know you.
You know what your normal is, and believe me, I can remember when my body started telling me it was ‘off’ before anyone else could fathom it, when I found my last cancer bump. If things are starting to feel off for you, please go and ask your medical practitioners. They can put your mind at rest and run the diagnostics if they are needed; you will never, ever be wasting their time and advocating for yourself is never wrong!
As your body changes and if you start to feel overwhelmed, remember that selfcare isn’t another thing on the to-do list, it’s part of how you look after yourself as a whole. From the moment you wake up and choose water over black coffee as your first drink, the body oil you choose to massage your tummy with before and after birth once your shower is done , and the half hour you create to enjoy some yin-yoga in your pjs before bed… every choice you make is self-care; it isn’t an errand or a job to do.
How I can help
I am always here to help you every step of the way, not just after your birth, but whilst you are pregnant as well. Being a doula enables me to signpost you to evidence based research so that you can make informed decisions about your healthcare. I will be there for you with my impartial ear to listen so you can say all the things you need to.
I can also help with breastfeeding support, provide you and your family with healthy and colourful meals and snacks which will allow your body to restore and heal. I can give you some time out with massage sessions, or look after bubs as you take a well earned nap, shower, or even go for a walk on your own for a bit if it helps you reconnect with yourself.
I feel passionately about supporting you as you learn more about your body and how YOU mother, not just your children but yourself. To be here as a support for you either through my writing, or in person, is one of the greatest privileges I could ask for. So please, do get in touch if you want to reach out, and I look forward to helping you the best way I can.
With love to you and bubs,
Sam xx
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